how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
