Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
