my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Couch. On fire.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
