Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
