Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
