Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
