i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
