6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
