I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
