Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
