its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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