Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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