1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
