I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
