Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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