oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
