I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
there is puke in my bra ... again
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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