I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
