Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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