i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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