So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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