I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
