so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
