i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
