im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
