if only i could text you this smell
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
