I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
