just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
