I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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