i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
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