I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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