Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
