I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
