You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
