do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
