'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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