When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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