When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
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Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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