So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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