Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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