the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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