They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
