I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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