So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
