haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
