Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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