i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
