i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
