Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
it's like heaven, but drunker
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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