Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
