can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
so much tequila, so little girl.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
