I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
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