the day after is always just damage control
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
