When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
