the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
