Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.