Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.