So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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