I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We had to coat check the pizza.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
