she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
