Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
