I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
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Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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