Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The best revenge is premature balding
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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