What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
