mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
