I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
