I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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