i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
