Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
