in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
