I love black thongs
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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