fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
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