and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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