I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
