All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
