I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
